This isn’t a call for reassurance, just an honest moment. Creating in the dark, when the numbers don’t love you back, is hard. And I know I’m not the only one who feels it, but there aren't enough voices telling the world the darker truths of being a creator.
There are days when the silence is deafening. When the work I pour myself into, the hours spent writing, the heartache, the late nights wrestling words into sentences that mean something, feels like it just vanishes into a vast and empty void.
The world tries to tell me that numbers define me. Followers, likes, patrons, sales. A fluctuating scoreboard that determines whether I’m "making it" or just another voice drowning in the crowd. And I know this isn't the truth, it is not what matters most. But when the numbers drop, when someone walks away, it’s hard not to feel like I was the thing they left behind. Like I wasn't good enough.
I try not to take it personally, I really do. I tell myself, and even others that vent to me, it’s just how things go, that people leave for their own reasons, that it isn’t a reflection of our worth. But the truth is, it hurts. It still feels like rejection, even when there was never a promise that they’d stay.
And maybe that’s the worst part, the not knowing why. Not knowing if I could have done something different. Not knowing if anyone is actually seeing the work I keep putting out into the world. People say to just keep going, to focus on the ones who stay, to believe in the long game. But it's hard, it's so incredibly hard when the numbers don’t love you back, when the silence swallows the echoes of everything you've created?
Sometimes, it’s hard to believe in anything at all.
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