Still Breathing, Still Editing

Hello my dearest dreamers,Just a quick pulse check from the writer's cave: I’m deep in the trenches of editing DEAD AIR.I know I’ve been quiet lately, but that silence is full of pages, rewrites, and whispered sentences. Or maybe they’re just haunting me at this point.Thank you for sticking around while I wrestle this beast into something beautiful for you to read. I’ll be back soon with new work; more poems, more short stories, and maybe even a few surprises.Until then, keep your minds bright and your bedrooms dark. 😉

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Unbecoming

I'm ripping at the seams.UndoingTrying to unfit a shape More kindly treatedMore palatable to behold The wolves are at the gate SnarlingReady to tear awayThe layer of veneerThat served only others Let me out Taught to obeyGirlsAre to be seenNever heardSmile, sit down, just pretend The wolves are comingCirclingSaliva dripping from teethReady to destroyWhat never was mine Let me out Don't let me suffer Silently In darkness for decades In a mind that didn't understandThe struggle imposed The wolves are hereNippingBreath warms my neckI am being judgedThe weight of my soul Let me out My only crimeOthered Never fitting in this worldA creature too bright To be fully held The wolves are at my throat TearingBroken flesh now bleeding Maybe now there's restIn the end Let me outLet me outLet me go.

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Tracing Backwards, Honouring Myself

As if I didn’t have enough on my plate already (joking... sort of), I’m also currently translating my first published poetry collection, Fragmented Echoes, into my native tongue: Frisian. This doesn't affect any future projects; those will still be fully in English. This is just an addition to my growing body of work. And I want to honour my own identity, what better way to do that than actually use the language I was born into?

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Let’s Talk Numbers: Why My Book Costs What It Does (and What I Actually Make)

When I released Fragmented Echoes, I set the paperback price at €15.99.I understand that to some, that might seem steep for a poetry collection. Maybe you’ve seen books go for €9.99 or less and wondered, why is this one more expensive?So let me try to explain, because the truth is, we as authors don’t pocket what you pay. In fact, we often get the smallest slice of the pie. Especially as an indie author.This isn’t a complaint. It’s a reality check. A bit of transparency in a world that rarely gets lit up from the inside. And it matters, especially if you believe in supporting independent creators.So, what happens when you buy my book through a retailer? I publish through IngramSpark, which distributes my books to platforms like Amazon, Bol.com, Waterstones, and Barnes & Noble. That gives me global reach, but at a cost.Here’s what happens when you buy my book online:Retail price: €15.99Retailer’s cut (40–55%): ~€7.99Printing cost (based on size, paper, page count): ~€4.30What I actually earn: ~€3.70 per bookAnd that’s before taxes, currency conversion fees, or anything else behind the scenes.If I dropped the price to €9.99, my cut would drop to less than €0.50. Not because I’m greedy. Because the system is built that way. Every copy is printed on demand, no warehouse, no bulk discounts, no shortcuts.It’s easy to compare indie books to the €6.99 bestsellers stacked in bookstores. But those books are mass-produced. Their publishers print thousands at a time, slashing production costs. They negotiate distribution deals we, as individuals, don’t have access to. Their losses are calculated and absorbed.Indie authors? We are the publisher. We pay full price for every step. There’s no corporate buffer. No safety net.When you buy from an indie, you’re not buying mass-market. You’re buying small-batch, made-with-care, often handcrafted selfmade work. It costs more to make, and honestly, it should.Here’s something else most readers don’t know: in the Netherlands, ISBNs aren’t free. They’re not even cheap.To publish professionally, I had to purchase my own ISBNs. A block of 10 cost me ~€360. Each book format (paperback, ebook, etc.) needs its own ISBN. That alone adds ~€36 per version of each book.That’s before:- Cover design (which I do myself, but it still takes time and skill).- Interior formatting and layout.- Proof copies.- Distribution setup (which didn't cost me anything upfront but each subsequent change after a book has been published for a while does incur a fee)- Marketing (if I can afford it)Before I’ve even sold a single copy, I’ve spent hundreds of euros just to make the book real.Why I chose €15.99. In short, because it’s the price that lets me keep going.It allows me to:- Earn a small but fair royalty- Cover the costs of professional self-publishing- Respect the value of my work- Keep creating without burning outI didn’t price it to make a fortune. I priced it to reflect the truth: this book took years of lived experience, energy, and care. Every poem in Fragmented Echoes is mine. Every design choice, every publishing step, I did it. That’s what the price includes.Now you might be wondering why I don't sell from your own stock. Ordering my own book to sell directly should be cheaper, right?Nope.When I order author copies from IngramSpark, I pay the print cost plus international shipping. And living in the Netherlands means:- Import taxes, because even though Ingram has a printer in Germany, I can't choose that option, so I'm stuck ordering from the UK or even the USA.- Customs handling fees- Delivery feesAnd that’s just to get the books to me. If I ship them to you, especially outside the Netherlands, postage becomes brutal.International shipping often costs more than the book itself. Which is a whole other mess.And here’s the kicker: in most cases, I would actually go in the red when I sell the books myself. That’s right, between shipping, import costs, and conversion losses, I lose money sending my own book out.So while I would love to offer signed copies and personal touches, the system is stacked against indie authors trying to sell across borders.What about the prices you see as a customer? Short answer, out of my control.You might’ve noticed the price of my book changes depending on where you shop. Sometimes it’s less than €15.99. Sometimes more. That’s not me.Retailers discount my book without telling me or inflate the price in regions with higher tax or shipping fees. Either way, my royalty stays the same. I don’t earn more if they charge you more. I don’t earn less if they undercut me. But you might end up paying a price I never agreed to. So please, please, please, do your due diligence, don't pay absurdly high prices. The only prices I can fully control are the prices on my website and (possibly) Patreon. If you want more of your money to go to the person who actually made the book, here’s how to help:- Buy the ebook version through my website (mine is launching soon), I keep a bigger percentage.- Support me on Patreon, you get early access, behind-the-scenes content, and I get paid somewhat fairly.- Buy from local bookstores if they stock my work.- Leave a review. It’s free, powerful, and helps others find my bookI know €15.99 isn’t pocket change. And I know not everyone can afford to support every indie they admire.But if you do choose to buy my copy, you’re not just buying a product. You’re holding something I built from the ground up. You’re supporting an artist trying to make it work without cutting corners. You’re helping me keep going.So thank you. For reading. For supporting. For valuing stories that don’t come from a marketing team, but from a real person, one page at a time.

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The Art of Reframing: Turning Pain into Poetry

Pain sucks. It sticks and stays in ways we don’t always expect. Showing up in quiet moments like sledgehammer. Hidden behind the things we don’t say. And lurking in memories that hit out of nowhere, that break our hearts anew. And sometimes, there’s no getting rid of it. No easy fix, no resolution. But writing, especially poetry, gives it a place to go. At least for me.

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[Branding] Part 2: Logos, Fonts and Visual Consistency

We've discussed colours in part 1, but branding is more than just colours, it's also about the design elements that make your brand instantly recognisable. A strong visual identity is made up of logos, typography, and consistent stylistic choices that showcase your brand's personality across platforms. In this second part of Branding 101 series, we'll explore how to choose and refine those elements to create a cohesive brand identity.

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Decorative geometric floral divider in light grey, used to separate sections of the page.

BOOK RELATED BLOGS

BLOG 2024

DEAD AIR

Behind the Title: DEAD AIR

The title came before the book was finished, actually I think the title was already present before I even started writing the first draft. Sometimes that happens, sometimes getting a title is like pulling teeth. Honestly, I prefer it the way it happened this time.

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The Strange Comfort of Horror

People always ask why anyone would willingly scare themselves. I’ve asked it too, more often than I care to admit. But the truth is, horror can be comforting. There’s something honest about it. It doesn’t pretend the world is safe. It just builds on the premise that darkness is there, waiting, always. And somehow, facing it on the page makes the real shadows a bit easier to live with. Horror, to me, is a way of naming dread and making it tangible. And maybe that’s the point: sometimes it isn’t about scaring yourself, but about finding comfort in admitting you’re already scared.

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From Poetry to Horror

I didn’t plan to write a horror novel, especially not as my debut into the world of fiction. Sure the idea was there, to eventually venture into fiction, to dabble in every genre that appealed to me. But my comfort zone was always poetry. The fragments, the images, and the small bursts of emotion they make sense to me. That's the language I write in.

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Why Silence Obsesses Me

Silence, pretty much the same as darkness, has never been empty to me. It isn’t really an absence of anything. It’s more like a constant presence that presses against the edges of everything, it never ever is truly silent anywhere. There’s always something beneath it, isn't there? The hum of the electric socket next to you, the pulse of your own blood swooshing in your ears. And of course the sound of your own thoughts creeping in.

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The Seed of DEAD AIR

The idea of Dead Air was planted during a Twitch stream. The streamer was deep in a horror game, flickering lights, sudden jolts, that creeping sense of dread. Meanwhile, chat had drifted sideways into a debate about ASMR.

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FRAGMENTED ECHOES

Last Chance to Pre-Order Fragmented Echoes

This is it. Fragmented Echoes releases in just a few days, and if you’ve been thinking about ordering, now’s the time. Pre-orders help more than you know; they help books get seen, reach new readers, and find their place in the world.This collection is raw, intimate, and full of pieces that came from some of my deepest moments. It’s not just words on a page. It’s fragments of what it means to feel, to break, to heal.Pre-order your copy here:AmazonBol.comLet me know if you grab one. I’d love to hear your thoughts when it arrives.

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What do I keep writing about?

A friend recently suggested the topic for this post:  "What themes keep showing up in your poetry, or in the poetry of the writers you love?" I honestly couldn’t stop thinking about it. It’s such a simple yet personal question.

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[POEM] 27 Weekends

We all have stories that shape us, moments we replay in our memories long after they’re gone. Some are joyful, others painful, and some are transformative in ways we don’t immediately recognize. For me, there were 27 weekends that marked the end of a chapter and the beginning of a new one.

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Last Minute Christmas Shopping?

The holiday season is one of wonder, magic, and cosiness, but let’s face it, sometimes the Christmas shopping sneaks up on us last minute. I know I can't be the only one stressing and scrambling to find just the perfect gift for someone. Right?

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Why Creativity Needs Darkness

There are plenty of people who believe night owls like me need to “fix” our sleep habits, as if those quiet, dark hours don’t count, or as if we’re missing out by "choosing" night over day. But I wonder, what if nighttime is actually when we’re closest to our true selves? What if there’s something uniquely powerful about the stillness, something that’s hard to see in the bright light of day?

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15 minute poetry

In just about 15 minutes, this "poem" flowed as I explored the contrast between our digital connections and the simpler world we once knew.

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Guess who's mind didn’t want to shut up? Here’s a little stream of thoughts I couldn’t shake off

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[Poem] Elysium

Drifting through these borrowed hours, I'm lost to this waking dream,A phantasm, searching for solace, A soul bound to life's stream.

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